For people living with TSC, healthy relationships with other people, including a partner, a friend, or family member, can be a huge source of support. But, challenges from TSC might bring extra challenges to these relationships
It’s important that every relationship is built on a strong foundation of love, care, and understanding, so that everyone is treated with the respect they deserve. It’s also important to learn about the qualities of healthy relationships and talk openly about what is right and what isn’t in a relationship.
You should feel supported to discuss TSC with partners, family and friends. Feeling confident to share experiences of TSC can improve relationships, self-esteem and overall quality of life.
Dating and relationships with TSC
The start of a new relationship can be an exciting but nerve-wracking time, and if you live with TSC, it can bring some additional worries. Research shows that 7 in 10 people with TSC consider the condition to be a barrier to romantic relationships. More than 8 in 10 people with TSC find telling a partner about their TSC challenging. It’s understandable to think a lot about when you might tell someone you have TSC, how to explain the condition, or how your partner might react.
There’s no right or wrong way to tell someone that you have TSC, but it’s important that you feel comfortable. If you tell a partner earlier in the relationship, you may feel less pressure to hide any parts of your TSC, such as symptoms or medication. If they react negatively, you may feel better knowing this about them sooner. On the other hand, you may feel more comfortable telling a partner once you know them better. You may find it easier to explain how TSC affects you personally, as the condition affects everyone differently.
Being honest and open about TSC can strengthen a relationship with your partner, as it helps them to understand you better and offer support where needed. TSC is just a part of you, and a supportive partner will want to get to know all parts of you.
Healthy relationships
Key qualities of all healthy relationships (with partners, family and friends) include:
- Patience: Being understanding, calm, and compassionate
- Respect: Valuing each person’s needs, feelings, and experiences
- Trust: Making each other feel safe, heard, and accepted
- Support: Sharing kindness, care and encouragement
- Communication: Listening, sharing feelings, and being honest
If you live with TSC, feeling listened to and supported in relationships can be even more important, as you face the challenges associated with living with TSC together.
No one should feel unsafe in a relationship. If you feel controlled or pressured, about your health, money, or social life – this is not right.
Research has shown that people living with a disability or long-term condition like TSC are at increased risk of experiencing domestic abuse. You can find more information on the types of domestic abuse and how to get help on the UK government website. If you think you are experiencing domestic abuse, call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247, for free confidential support 24/7 or 999 if you are in immediate danger.
Supporting a partner with TSC
If your partner lives with TSC, it is likely that your support and understanding will be appreciated. While TSC affects everyone differently, they may experience daily challenges such as living with epilepsy or mental health problems. The best way to find out how your partner would like to be supported is to ask them. However, some ways you can support them include:
- Read and learn more about TSC so you can better understand the condition, without them having to teach you
- Be flexible. Understand that plans may need to change due to medical needs
- Look after yourself. Being a supportive partner means also caring for your own wellbeing
Most importantly, communicate openly. Being honest and listening to one another means you both feel valued and heard, which is crucial to a thriving relationship.
Talking to a child or young person about relationships
Children and young people living with TSC may need extra support when thinking about new relationships, particularly in learning about boundaries and consent. It’s important to have these conversations early with your child or young person, in an age-appropriate way, to keep them safe.
You may want to consider:
- Talk first about what makes a good friendship before talking about romantic relationships, such as kindness and respect
- Use clear ways to communicate suitable for your child’s needs (for example, using social stories if this works for your child or young person)
- Encourage them to ask questions to help them feel comfortable speaking openly about feelings
- Be open about TSC. Help your child understand how their condition might affect their social or romantic relationships, such as if they have epilepsy, social or communication difficulties
Talking to children and young people with TSC about relationships can help them to understand and go on to form safe, supportive and consensual relationships throughout their lives.
